Monday, April 26, 2010

Caution: Moron Post

Yes, this would be me.

I am such a moron. Let me say that again. I am such a moron.

I had no intentions today of writing about being a moron, but since I have just discovered that's exactly what I am at this precise moment in time, I'll write about it.

Moron: A stupid person; dolt; a person of subnormal intelligence; a person who is not very bright

What's worse, my two-days-away-from-being-twelve-years-old daughter, kindly pointed this out to me a mere 15 minutes ago. Lovely.

Last week I went to Hobby Lobby and selected fabric for my next quilting project. I'm making a crib-size quilt this time. Not too big, but not too small. I have no one in baby shower coming up. I'm doing this just for me so I can practice. I chose a funky multi-colored circular/flower design on a white background. I chose it because I thought it would be fun to hand quilt. Then I chose a beautiful baby pink flannel to complement it along with quilting thread, batting, and my very own set of quilting pins. Unfortunately, when I arrived home I quickly discovered the pink flannel was faded along the top where it was wrapped on the bolt of fabric. This made for a lovely white line straight down the middle of my fabric. This right here should have been a sign.

I took the fabric back to Hobby Lobby and selected a baby blue 100% cotton fabric instead and checked it before walking out of the store. I've never done this before and had no idea I needed to check the fabric. Lesson number one.

This takes us to today's events.

I was hoping to have my quilt ready to start quilting before our get together with Mrs. Nagy on Wednesday.

I washed and dried both pieces of fabric.

I ironed both pieces of fabric.

I placed both pieces of fabric together, trimmed two edges of the blue fabric so there was a two-inch difference between the fabrics and then carefully placed the batting in between.

I used my new quilting pins (yes, they were positioned straight!) to secure all three layers in place.

I started basting by finding the center and stitching from there to all four corners, then from the center to all four sides. I even added additional diagonal basting stitches since I thought there was too big a gap between the center to the corners. Then I basted around all four sides of the entire piece. I was quite proud of myself. This right here should have been a sign.

Enter Rachel...

"Which side is the top?"
"I suppose either one of the short sides."

Warning: moron stage one has just begun

"No, I mean which side is the top?"
"Well, I don't think it matters really. It's to fit a crib so it will be one of the short sides."

Warning: moron stage two has just begun

"No, what I mean is, is the blue side the top?"
"No, the white side is the top. That's where the design is."
"Oh. So why do you have it cut like this?"

Warning: full-blown moron, but still doesn't know it

"Why do I have it cut like what? I left enough to fold the edges over when it's finished."
"But I thought you said the white fabric was the top of the quilt?"
"It is."
"OK, but shouldn't the blue fabric be cut bigger than the white fabric so the white is on the top when you fold the edges over?"

Are you afraid for me?

"You know...if you want the top to be white, you would need the white to fold over like this (she's now showing me what she means) so that way the border is folded over the blue, like this."

Light bulb finally turns on.
Heart sinks.
Reality sets in.
Big mistake.

"Oh. Big sigh. I guess I had better call Mrs. Nagy and find out what I should do."

Then I added this little line so I could feel better about myself...

"Well, you know, I wanted to add a three-inch white satin border on this anyway, and I'm sure it will work out just fine."

I hope so.
I hope so.
I hope so.

The look on Rachel's face was absolutely classic. It said something like, "Mmmm hmmm. Yea. Right." With respect, of course.

So I have a call into Mrs. Nagy and am patiently waiting to find out if I have to remove all the basting stitches and cut down my crib-size quilt into something a little smaller.

I hope not.
I hope not.
I hope not.

Lesson number two: Just because Mrs. Nagy has shown you a little something about a needle and thread does not make you qualified to start a quilt on your own.

Insert whining here...

I was just trying to be a good student, all prepared for class, you know!

I'm heading to a corner to cry now. With my dunce cap, of course.

P.S. Yes, it's perfectly OK to feel sorry for me. I have a funny feeling Mrs. Nagy will not allow things to stay "as is."


  1. Just as soon as I was done publishing this post, Mrs. Nagy called. I explained the situation. She told me she thought everything would be just fine. Really? Really! And, yes, the satin border will make for something "special." She reminded me, as I was being hard on myself, that there are always lessons to be learned.

    Lesson learned.

  2. Sweetie, bless you for even T R Y I N G!! That is one of the last things I want to try. I find some sweet young gals to sew for me; a special,artistic friend to make my cards; my artistic friend's daughter does special baking. Give me a closet, an office, a house to re-arrange and organize and VIOLA! I can do that. I have just loved getting the guys things re-organized in their new areas, BUT - needle and thread? HA!

  3. Oh dear! Sounds like just the way things would work if I tried quilting... :P