The Importance of Guarding Statues and Toilets

Scary, huh?

So it was a month ago today I posted Weeds and Yours Truly. I thought of this story just the other day and thought it would make a good follow-up.

After I left the law firm I went to work for a company that sold computers. That's a story that will have to wait for another time. But, while working for this company I decided I wanted to make some extra money. I have no recollection how this particular "opportunity" came along, but it did and I took it. Honestly, it's laughable. Are you sitting down? Well, I suppose you are. I was a security guard for the summer. Yes, a security guard.

I remember going for security guard training. I think it involved standing up straight and having a serious look on your face. I did get to carry a weapon though. My weapon of choice (the only weapon I was allowed) was a billy club. Mmm hmm. Yep. And I had this stunning burgundy polyester security guard outfit that included shiny black shoes. At least I had one thing going for me back then...I was 5' 9" and weighed about 115 pounds (that, my friends, will never happen again even in my wildest dreams!).

My job that summer as a security guard was policing a very popular music center that has a very famous outdoor amphitheatre. Did I guard the backstage? No. Did I guard the famous musicians? No. Did I guard the ticket centers where all the money was collected? Nope. My friends, I guarded a statue. Yes, you read that right. A statue. In addition, I also stood guard outside the toilets. And it was while guarding the toilets this little incident took place.

I have always been one to follow directions, so you can be sure I was guarding my post with great posture and a serious look on my face. Out of nowhere comes this huge, and I mean huge, black man. Huge as in tall and huge as in he might have given Goliath a run for his money. He comes right up beside me and bends over to sort of whisper in my ear. "So tell me, just what would you do if I decided to do something?" Without so much as skipping a beat I answered, "Run!" Well, he laughed and laughed and I laughed and laughed right along with him. (I know, I broke company protocol). But it was hysterical! I mean, really. What on earth would I do? Besides pass out.

I had lots of fun that summer. I made a little extra money. I saw lots of great concerts. I saw lots of interesting people. And I got to guard a statue and a few toilets. How cool is that?!

Your coolness,